How to Create Your Own Fad Diet:
Note: This is especially effective if you have Doctorate degree in
something obscure like geniology. That way you can call it the "Dr.
Scardsmayo Diet". Follow this up with a book and you'll be rich.
Here are the basic ingredients you will need to create your own
- A book that lists the nutritional values of every food under
- A good idea about what foods the grocery store carries
- A bag of chips (you'll need a snack while you work).
- No nutritional knowledge whatsoever.
- A picture of someone who was slim 5 years ago, but is now
- The larger person has to own an outfit that is at least 10
Let's get Started: First let's pick your diet secret.
When choosing the method for your fad diet you will need your book
of nutrition. Look in your book and find a measure of nutrition that
is irrelevant to everyday life. Here are some good examples of
methods for a fad diet:
- "The all the potassium you want diet."
- The "Potassium is killing you" diet.
- "I Zinced away 50 pounds"
- "Low Sodium is Low Weight"
- "Polysorbate-80 pounds lighter"
- "Carageenen causes obesity"
Sorry folks, but you can't use fat, carbohydrates, or fiber
because a famous Doctor has beat you to each of them.Next, Let's Pick Your Fad Diet Foods
When choosing the menu for your fad diet you will need your list
of items that they have at the grocery store. Using this list, you
must follow these rules:
- Menu items cannot be carried by a normal grocery store.
- Mango and Shallots used to be good examples of fad diet
ingredients but may be too common.
- Malt syrup might be used on bulgar wheat toast.
- Frozen sliced ocra and rutabaga are good ideas to accompany
an arugula salad.
- Menu items must be unlikely to be kept in ones pantry.
- Fruits are good candidates because they spoil.
- Dairy products also expire and are likely candidate.
- Frozen foods are good also because they will tie up freezer
space and prevent future purchases of ice cream.
- Items should sound sort of healthy, but not really.
- Cottage cheese is an excellent example of this
- Saltine crackers are good.
- Plain yogurt is just bland enough.
- Castor oil is also effective.
- Serving sizes must be an incredibly small portion of an item
that must be bought in bulk. Best if this item is useless for
everyday consumption or spoils quickly.
- 1/8 of a pound of ground pork.
- One 1/8" slice of watermellon.
- 1/4 cup of puffed rice.
- Two teaspoons of un-milled barley.
- 1 teaspoon of dark corn syrup.
- 1/4 plaintain.
- Items must be repulsive (this is what nutritionists call an
appetite suppresant). For repulsive items you can kick up your
diet if you allow people to eat tons of it.
- As many brussel sprouts as you want, they are a hidden
source of carageenen!
- 6 cans of popeye creamed spinach.
- 12 oz of braized goat liver.
- On Thursday eat all of the boiled plaintains you want,
You certainly have a good start now. Next you will make the
Finally, Let's Choose A Schedule For The Fad Diet
Making the schedule is relatively easy.
First pick a really short time span. Too long of a time span and
people won't be interested (too much like reality). Too short of a
timespan and you won't be able to punish people enough. Typically 3
or 4 days is enough.
Second, pick a promised weight reduction. I think most people
don't think they can lose more than 4 pounds per day, so keep it a
little less than that, but be positive. Also, give a large range of
weight loss. And put an official sounding disclaimer in there for
good measure. Here are some examples:
Plan the Menu
- Lose up to 12 pounds in 3 days! (acual weight loss ranges from
8-12 pounds depending on the person, their matabolism, and the
digestability of the potassium magenate encountered).
- I lost 13 pounds between Monday and Thursday and you can too!
(my experience may not be yours, however I am a very average
person that has never excelled at anything).
- Follow Dr. Jingleheimerschmidts program and get down the
pounds! (Consult a doctor before starting Dr. Jingleheimerschmidts
program especially if you ever experience shortness of breath when
climbing more than 8 flights of stairs).
Finally, you plan the menu. Planning the menu involves taking each
meal and eliminate one aspect from a normal meal. Remember to use
your ingredients. Examples:
Fad Diet Breakfast
Glass of Milk
Glass of Goats Milk
Piece of Toast
British water cracker
Plate of eggs, bacon, hashbrowns
Coffee (with sugar in the raw)
Fad Diet Lunch
1/3 of a Radicio with balsamic vinegar
Club sandwich with ham & turkey
Diet Creme Soda
Fad Diet Dinner
26 ounces of Liverwurst
1/2 endive sauted in palm oil
Pineapple flavored cottage cheese
When you are done publish it on the internet. Use the
pictures of your weight gaining friend as an after and before picture
and soon you'll be spending $30 per month so that other people can read it.