Amputation Diet
People often write to me and ask: "What is the fastest way I can lose weight?" Being a wise-ass I always reply with the same answer "Amputate your arm". That usually ends a conversation that I didn't feel like participating in.
After five years of replying in this manner I started to wonder how much weight you would ACTUALLY lose if you did amputate your arm. Here is a little bit of information for you:
After five years of replying in this manner I started to wonder how much weight you would ACTUALLY lose if you did amputate your arm. Here is a little bit of information for you:
FadDiet.com presents the Amputation Diet Plan (copyright 2011 Calm Tom)
| Procedure |
Estimated Immediate Weight Loss
|
| Clip finger and toenails | 1 ounce maximum |
| Haircut | 2-6 ounces |
| Drastic Haircut / Headshave | 4-12 ounces |
| Trim Body Hair | 1 oz. (ladies) 3 oz. (men) 24 lbs (Greek men) |
| Remove a wart | 1 oz. |
| Take a diuretic | 1-3 pounds (temporary) |
| Take a laxative | 1-2 pounds (temporary) |
| Colon Therapy / Take an Enema | 2-3 pounds (temporary) |
| Poop | 0-2 pounds (temporary) |
| Run a marathon on a hot day | 3 lbs (women), 5 lbs (men) (temporary) |
| Amputate your arm | 10-25 lbs (way too permanent) |
| Amputate your leg | 15-45 lbs (again, not advised) |
| Vascetomy | none. |
| Take a big pee. | up to 1.5 pounds |
| Take a big dump | up to 2.5 pounds |
| Go barefoot | 1-2 pounds |
| Go Naked | 1-8 pounds (summer vs. winter) |
| Contact lenses vs. Glasses | 0.3 pounds |
| No liquids all day | 1-2 pounds |
| No food all day | 2-3 pounds |
| No salt all day | 0-1 pound |
| Don't wear underwear | 1 oz. (thong)-2 lbs. (granny panties) |
| Exfoliating face wash | nothin. |
| Liposuction | 10 lbs maximum per surgery |
| Donate a kidney | 3 pounds. |
| Breast Reduction Surgery | 5-15 pounds typically. |
I suppose that I should probably take a little bit of space to warn you that amputating a limb is not really a wise way to lose weight. In fact, almost all of the above suggestions are very poor.
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